Last weekend, while my family was out at breakfast, we ran into a family we hadn’t seen in years. Since it had been quite a while, their family had grown and they had just recently had a baby. As we struggled to catch up quickly in the busy restaurant, she introduced us to their newest addition – an adorable little girl, about 6 months old.
And then it happened. She extended the baby towards me…and I knew exactly what the next words out of her mouth were going to be. “Do you want to hold her?,” she asked.
You see, the problem with this inquiry is that there’s no nice way to say no. There just isn’t. And yet, I still didn’t want to hold her (ridiculously cute) baby. All too experienced with this situation, I tried to reach out to gently touch the baby’s hand and smile at her instead. Unfortunately, with the angle that the mom tried to “deliver” the child into my arms, it resulted in a strange and awkward face/arm petting event where I again told the mom how cute her daughter was (seriously, she’s adorable). After it was all over, and as awkward as it might have been, I still breathed a sigh of relief because I didn’t have to actually hold her baby.
Make no mistake, I love my children and held them all. the. time. when they were babies. In fact, I still hold them often. Just ask my 5 year old who refuses to wake up every morning for school causing me to have to carry her down the stairs because I don’t have time for a fight I can’t win at 7am. Or my 3 year old who has decided that I’m better than furniture, and – without any notice – will plop herself down on my lap make her self comfortable. And if there’s ever an Olympic event where someone has to rinse and load dishes into a dishwasher with one hand while holding a nearly 1 year old with the other, Everett’s trained me for the gold medal. No one else has a chance.
But hold someone else’s baby? Um, no.
The awkward occurrence last Sunday morning isn’t the first of it’s kind, nor will it be the last. More and more often, I feel like I’m put in the situation where I’m politely declining or downright dodging babies that are being thrust into my arms, because people assume I want to hold them.
Except I don’t.
Honestly, I just don’t feel the need to hold them. And if I’m absolutely candid about it, as flattered as I am that a parent would trust me with their beloved child, holding other babies makes me uncomfortable. Truth is, before having my own babies, I wasn’t much of a baby person. I wasn’t someone who babysat other kids or gushed over random babies in public. It’s not that I don’t like other people’s babies, it’s just that I like them slightly better from afar. The love and bond that I have for my kids – that makes me want to hold them – doesn’t exist between me and other children. And that natural, “I love babies” that seems inherent in most other women, just I don’t have.
Of course, like anything else, there are exceptions. For example, if I’m visiting a friend with a new baby and the baby starts to fuss just as the mom starts to do something in the other room, I’m happy to help out by holding her baby. But in that case, I’m really helping the mom out, not getting a baby fix. It’s so difficult to get things done around the house with a newborn, and if I can help a mom out – either by doing things around the house for her or holding a baby while she does things around the house – I’ll do it. Do I get a warm fuzzy sensation from holding a little baby? No. But I’m helping a mom out and I like that.
I often question what makes people ask or assume that I want to hold their baby. Maybe it’s what they think friends do. Maybe because I’m female (goodness knows, I get more inquiries than my husband…even though they have a much better chance of a “yes” with him). Or maybe it’s because I already have children. Or maybe it’s because every other person on Earth wants a baby fix and I’m the only one struggling to find a polite way to say no. I’m not sure.
While discussing this post with a friend of mine – who is very much a Baby Holder, and will hunt people down to hold a baby – it became apparent that this is one of those things where you either are or you aren’t. So which are you – a Baby Holder or a Baby Dodger?
I am and I’m not a baby holder. I’ve noticed with my own babies that people get upset and talk about me later if I forget to offer my baby for holding. They’re offended as though I didn’t trust them enough, or like them enough to let them hold my baby. I’m socially awkward anyway, so sometimes I really want to hold someone’s baby but I’m sfraid to ask. Other times I feel like I might be doing it wrong and I feel awkward holding someone else’s kid. I guess I get both sides. LOVE holding my own babies though 🙂
It depends. I love kids. But there are just some kids that I CAN NOT stand to even be around, yet alone, hold them. I hate being in that awkward situation where someone offers you their child and you feel like you’re holding their child wrong, in a way that they might not approve. It’s just strange to me. If I think a baby is super cute, I’ll ask to hold him/her or play with him/her, if I know the person good enough, like a family member or a family friend. But not random people in the street, and not people who I haven’t seen in forever. I use to babysit for a lot of families but now I’m starting to think I only love kids in my family, and can’t stand any one else’s. HAHA especially the bratty, misbehaved, rude ones.
I am like you. I am not a baby holder. I love my kids & loved to hold them, but I don’t normally have a desire to hold any one else’s baby. Sure there are times when it is someone I am really close to that I want to hold their baby, but it isn’t a normal thing for me.
I am a complete baby dodger. I have a step-son that I love dearly but he came to us past all the baby phases, when he was already 7. I do not like other peoples kids and have zero desire to hold them. My sister in law recently had a baby and I am pretty sure that I am the only person in the family not to hold the new addition: not to smell her head, ogle over her, or sound all stupid talking to her. I do love our kiddo, but I do not want to deal with other peoples kids. I have been accused of being mean, insensitive, “should’ve been born a man,”……..the list goes on……makes me feel as if there is something wrong with me. Glad to know there are others out there like me 🙂