When Everett was finally diagnosed with reflux, I was at the end of my rope. You might have read about my frustration desperation here. But after we had that diagnosis and a referral to see a gastric specialist, a funny thing happened – moms from all over started coming out of the woodwork to tell me their reflux story. To share how their baby conquered it or still struggles with it. Or to share the name of a treatment or doctor that might be able to help. Since neither of my girls had reflux, I had no idea it was so common, but given the sheer number of moms that approached me to lend guidance and support, there’s a huge population (secret society?) of reflux moms. And they stepped up when I needed them the most.
But as comforting as I found conversations with other reflux moms, I got so many comments from other people that weren’t helpful. At all. Below are 5 things that should never be said to a reflux mom:
- “They grow out of it, you know.” Yes, yes, I know. Reflux is normally a temporary condition in babies, confined to just a few months of their lives. But the problem is, those months can be hell. When Everett’s reflux symptoms started to escalate around 2 1/2 months old, I tried so hard to wait it out. I didn’t want to make a big deal over something so temporary. I knew that soon enough he’d start solid foods and sitting up, and that those things would help…spit up tends to taper off around those two milestones. But when things continued to get worse, I decided to seek help and I don’t regret that for a second. By the time we saw the doctor, Everett had only gained 1 ounce in 30 days and was just under the 5th percentile for weight. Sometimes, it’s not safe to wait for them to outgrow it.
- “OMG he’s spitting up! He’s spitting up a lot! Wow, that’s a lot of spit up!” I’m not sure why, but when we were out, so many people wanted to give me the play-by-play of exactly how much Everett was spitting up…even when I had given them the heads up that it would probably happen and to what extent it would happen. Admittedly though, I did have some giggles at their expense when the person who exclaimed these words was also the one feeding him and who had refused the burp cloth I offered multiple times. A reflux mom has to get her giggles somewhere, right?
- “His clothes are dirty. You better change him.” This comment was always particularly frustrating when I’d look down at Everett to see that he only had one or two small drops of spit up on his sleeper. You see, at the height of Everett’s reflux, I was changing him 4+ times per day. I literally couldn’t get his sleepers on and off of him fast enough. And the second I changed him, he would spit up again. The one thing that no one seemed to understand was that he was literally spitting up all day long, not just when I fed him a bottle. Even if I covered him in bibs or burp cloths, he often out spit the coverage of those accessories. I eventually had to be okay with the fact that I couldn’t change him each and every time he spit up. I just wish that other people would have been okay with that too.
- “Medication? Is that really necessary? It sounds so extreme.” Everett didn’t need medication, but when it was a possibility, I got this a lot. Here’s the thing – The decision to medicate your baby (especially medicating on a continuing basis) can be a difficult one, but if it’s going to make them happier and healthier beings, it’s definitely something to be considered. The last thing that I needed was someone who didn’t know the whole situation (and who hadn’t been cleaning up baby vomit for weeks on end) questioning my decision.
- “He just spit up that entire bottle. What’s the point of even feeding him?” Okay, so my baby may have just spit up 3 1/2 out of the 4 ounces that I fed him, but yes, I’m going to continue to try. I have to continue to try. Besides, since when is feeding your baby optional?
Did your baby have reflux? Did people say these types of things to you?
Yes yes yes! My baby also had horrible reflux, to the point I felt like a failure as a mom. I cried for over 24 hours straight at one point. The one that particularly irked me was ‘All babies spit up. He’ll get over it’. People didn’t get it. Saying those things didn’t help, only made it worse. It was rough on both of us, but we lived.
I am going through this right now with my 8 week old except instead of vomiting, he swallows, gags, coughs, chokes and can’t catch his breath to keep it down and it burns and makes him cry. He also can’t sleep soundly because it wakes him up. The doc just switched us to a hypoallergenic formula as well, upped his Zantac dosage and added a probiotic. We have to see a pediatric GI doc as well. Did they put your baby on any meds, just curious how they are treating it? Thanks so much for posting this, it’s good to know I’m not the only mom going through this. Thanks!
So glad I could help! Everett actually didn’t need medication. It was a possibility for us, but we didn’t need to go that route because he a “happy spitter” and didn’t appear to be in any pain (our GI tends to reserve meds for the kids that are in pain because they are more for making the child comfortable than actually keeping milk down…according to him, at least). If we did do medication the GI mentioned Zantac as the one we’d try. The first thing that the GI doctor did was to switch him off of the hypoallergenic formula that the pediatrician recommended and put him back on the formula that he was on when he was first born (Similac Sensitive). Then we tried adding oatmeal to his bottle to thicken it. After some trial and error, we found that he needed 1 teaspoon of oatmeal per ounce of formula. So far, so good. I felt silly for going to a specialist for such an easy fix, but I’m glad I did because I couldn’t handle one more minute of reflux hell.
It is frustrating and exhausting – I cried more than once…mostly, because I just didn’t know what else to do. And people don’t seem to understand the difference between some spit up and your entire house smelling of spit up because it’s everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I hope you’re little one is doing better now.
My first born had severe reflux the first year of his life. It was hell. We went through 4 different reflux meds, and even was sent to a major hospital. I have to agree with you on every point. I had to do things with my son that family didn’t agree with. We started solids at around 4 months because is reflux was bad. His medication(s) constipated him so I have to give him an ounce of juice everyday.
People just don’t get. My house reeked of spit up until he was a year old. My 4 month old daughter has reflux too, but it’s not near the severity of what my son had… for now.
We started solids at 4 months too, and it has definitely helped. I kinda hate that people judge me for starting him at that age, but I know that it was the right move for us (along with being pediatrician and GI approved/recommended). As for the stench of spit-up, I don’t know if I’ve just gotten used to it being in my house or if it’s actually starting to subside…let’s hope it’s the later and not the former.
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Our daughter had pretty severe reflux. After getting stuck at the 10% for weight we did finally have to put her on medication. Luckily for us she seemed to improve significantly a few months after she turned 1. Hugs!!