On Monday, I was sitting at my desk when I heard the words I never want to hear when I’m at work, “Jen, your daughters’ daycare is on the phone”.  I froze.  I internally panicked.  They don’t call you to tell you what a wonderful day your child is having.  I know what that call means.  It means one (or potentially both) of my kids is sick and need to picked up immediately.  Or within 45 minutes, according to our daycare’s rules.

At the time that “The Call” came in, I was already late leaving the office for a client’s medical exam and the next morning I was expected before a federal judge to pick a date for trial to begin next week.  Hours of trial preparation, clients flying in from afar, and conference calls were in my future, not taking care of a sick child.   “I don’t have time for my kids to be sick”, I thought.  In an effort to plan, I mentally went through all that needed to be done in the next few days and tried to think about how everything could be rearranged.  What was Erajh’s schedule like?  Maybe we could work something out.  We have to work something out.  Then I reluctantly picked up the phone.

Teacher: Hi.  Is this Hazeline’s mom?

Me: Yes, that’s me.  Hi, Ms. “X”.  How are you?  Is everything okay?

Teacher:  Well, you forgot to fill out the form for Hazeline’s breathing treatment this morning and we need it to give her the treatment.  She hasn’t been coughing but you said you wanted her to get a treatment this morning, so…

[Insert huge sigh of relief here]

I don’t know what she said after that, I was just so relieved that I didn’t have to drop everything to go and pick her up.

I sound like a bad mom, right?  One that doesn’t want to pick up their sick kids?  Horrible.  Actually, it’s quite the contrary.  I want to be the one there when they are sick.  Not only do I like to take care of them in their time of need, but I’m a bit of a control freak and like to be the one to have communication with the doctor and make sure that they are taking their medication on time and as directed.  I’m also the only one that knows the long list of asthma medications we have tried for Greenleigh, and the medications to which she is resistant.  But I have a job outside of the home and an employer who needs me to be places when things are scheduled, even if my kids are sick.

Now, it’s not as if my employer isn’t understanding when my kids are sick.  Quite the contrary.  My co-workers go above and beyond to ask about the girls and how they are doing, especially when they are sick.  I’m the one that worries.  Yes, I have vacation time and personal time, but just because my child is sick my obligations at work don’t stop.  I personally promised the client that I was going to be at the medical exam with her that afternoon, and I know they were relieved to hear it.  I would have felt terrible if I hadn’t been able to follow through on my promise.  Plus, if my work doesn’t get done, it won’t just affect me, it will affect others in the office.  Sure, one of the partners could have covered the court appearance the next day, but again, that was my responsibility and would have taken him away from his obligations.

For me, part of being a mom is about relationships.  Building a relationship with your kids, being there for them, and watching them grow.  Continuing to nurturing a relationship with your spouse, so it doesn’t get lost in the day-to-day shuffle.  But if you work outside of the home, especially for someone else as an employee, you have an additional relationships to take care of.  You have relationships with your employer and co-workers.  Even further, as an attorney I have a relationship to my clients that needs to be considered.  Yes, it’s true, family comes first, but you can’t just ignore these other relationships.  Even under perfect conditions, it’s a daily struggle to be everything to everyone, and fulfill everyone’s expectations.  Many days there’s no room for hiccups, like sick kids.

On this particular day we got lucky – no one needed to be picked up and nothing needed to be rearranged – but it won’t always happen that way.  And one day, when our kids really do need to be picked up in the middle of the day with little or no notice, Erajh and I will work together to make sure that one of us is there.  We have to, there is no other option.  I know that the world won’t end if I can’t be somewhere that work needs me to be, but it sure is easier when “The Call” ends up being a false alarm.