When I started this blog, I had an infant and a two year old toddler deeply entrenched in the terrible twos. In fact, she had been stuck in the terrible twos since she was about 10 or 11 months old…that was when we happened to go to the pediatrician’s office for a well check and the doctor assured us it was too early for her to be throwing tantrums. Which was all fine until she threw a huge tantrum right in the middle of the exam room. At that point, the pediatrician agreed that they were in fact tantrums she was throwing and I might have one of the more “spirited” children that she’s seen. Lucky me.
When I found out I was pregnant a second time I was a bit scared that I’d end up with yet another “spirited” child. I mean, I was surviving with one, but two? I wasn’t sure. Perhaps this spirited nature was somehow woven into my DNA, making it impossible for me not to pass on to my children. I braced myself for another child just like Greenleigh.
But as they say, every kid is different. And for the most part, Hazeline has been a pretty easy kid – from one of the first nights home from the hospital when she slept 5 consecutive hours to how she gobbles up her dinner, no matter what I put in front of her. She may be the louder of my two kids (particularly in places where I need her to be quiet, like restaurants), but she’s definitely easier going than Greenleigh.
Until recently.
About 3 weeks ago, I was walking the girls through the daycare parking lot when I ran into one of Hazeline’s teachers. What I was sure would be a quick conversation about how well she was doing in her class ended up going much differently than I expected. Instead the teacher told stories of Hazeline yelling at daycare staff, refusing to nap, and biting other kids. That’s right, we have the biter. Perhaps normal behavior for other two year olds, but my Hazeline? No. “It’s like I don’t even know her anymore,” the teacher said as she looked down at Hazeline, who was desperately trying to avoid eye contact.
And it was around that time that the tantrums started at home. I mean, we’d had a few up until that point, but very few. And all of these new tantrums were over totally ridiculous things. Like this one where she was really pissed that I wouldn’t let her wear her pull up backwards, after showing her how to put it on properly no less than 4 times:
Or this one where I insisted that she wear shoes to school.
Or this one where she wanted to open toothpaste that we were going to purchase while we were still in the store:
I know you’re not supposed to take pictures of your kids when they are so upset, but I think these will make great material for later…you know, high school yearbook or wedding video kinda stuff.
While I was naively hoping to avoid them this time around, it appears the terrible twos have arrived. On a positive note, Greenleigh’s years of intense tantrums have prepared me for Hazeline’s tantrums, which pale in comparison. The biting is more of a problem though. Any advice on that one?
Anyone have a toddler that bites? How do you handle it?
I could have written this. Luke was a biter. I am convinced it was for attention, though, and because people at daycare were taking away his toys. It was a super quick phase. We tried our best not to make a big deal about it (other than telling him it was not okay) and that seemed to work well.
I never had a biter… but I do have a healthy, thriving, tantrum-er. Who, as the months pass, gets more spectacular with his displays. 🙂
First, be happy she is confident enough to demand what she wants- this will hopefully last until she is a self-assured, confident and persistent adult- this is a GOOD THING. 🙂
In the meantime, she would benefit from learning to USE HER WORDS to describe her feelings (and talk about them) instead of tantruming and biting. Ignore most tantrums if you can. But, if she has a legitimate complaint, stop her AS SOON AS SHE STARTS CRYING and insist that she USE HER WORDS to tell you what is wrong. Explain that you can’t help her, unless she uses her words. Then, have a long chat about whatever it was that was driving her bonkers. If she refuses to use her words and just throws herself down anyway, then walk away/pull the grocery cart instead of push it/close the door to the room/stop all communication and eye contact. When she mellows out again, model how she should have used her words- for example, “I think you were angry that you could not open the toothpaste. Is that true?” or “I think you were sad that we had to leave the playdate, right?” It’s best if you can define the FEELING she was having- those are the words she needs to use to avoid the acting-out. Once she gets better at USING HER WORDS to describe her feelings, you will see less acting-out… then, you just have to figure out how to rationalize with her and, as she gets older, keep reminding her, since she will have new feelings as she gets older…
Hope this helps… 🙂