A few days ago, a good friend announced the birth of her first child on Facebook. At first, I was thrilled for her and her husband. How exciting! A new baby! I rushed to “like” the status and write my congratulations, but then I thought, “Hold on, why am I hearing about this for the first time on Facebook?” And then it occurred to me – I didn’t even know that she was pregnant, let alone had reached her due date. How did I miss the last 9 months? And then, as I sat there with my congratulations typed and ready to hit “enter” I thought, “Nevermind. If she wanted my congratulations she would have told me herself.” That’s right, I decided to hold back my congratulations out of spite.
Real mature, huh?
As much as I hate to admit it, I actually contemplated de-Friending her altogether. I almost felt that keeping her as a friend on Facebook and seeing the pictures of her newborn child would be a painful reminder that we aren’t friends anymore. Each update a little jab at the sadness that I felt over the loss of our “real life” friendship.
You see, we were once very close. Like grow up together, slumber parties at each others houses every day, kinda close. At one point in my life, all daily activities included her. We drifted apart a few years ago, but I never thought our friendship was over. We had one of those friendships where we could not talk or see each other for months at a time, then pick up exactly where we left off.
But then something changed. I’m not sure exactly when or why, but we went from rarely talking to one another, to never talking to one another. I reached out a few times, but my calls went unreturned. I continued to send invites to social events and holiday cards, but never received any response. I actually just removed her from the Christmas card list this year, but it was more because I didn’t have her current address as opposed to me not wanting her to get a card.
I was actually a little surprised when she sent me the friend request on Facebook, because by that point we hadn’t spoken in years. I debated whether to accept. Major events had happened in her life and I wasn’t a part of any of them. I’ve never met her husband. I wasn’t invited to her wedding. We haven’t hung out in years. But such is Facebook. How many times have you friended people you used to know, but aren’t really “friends” anymore? You just want to know what they are up to more than anything else. It’s that insatiable curiosity of, “I wonder what they are up to”, that is hard to ignore. After all, that person was once someone very special in your life.
So I accepted her as a friend. And as I looked through her photo albums and all the wonderful things that have happened in her life over the past few years, I was a little sad. But things change, and life moves on. Maybe it’s just that when she posted her exciting news on Facebook earlier this week, it reopened the wound a little. I am very happy for her though, and I’m excited about the amazing journey that lies ahead for her.
Despite my initial inclination to de-Friend her, I have no intention to do so now. I will continue to read updates about her new baby and see the pictures she posts. And although each one of them may just be a painful reminder that we aren’t really friends anymore, at least I get to know that things are going well for her and that she’s happy. And in the end, I suppose that’s what you really want for your friends.
I can so relate to this!!! Thank you so much for sharing…now I know I’m not the only one who’s had this emotional tug-o-war with myself over a friendship that once was….I love that Facebook has reconnected me with so many people that I’ve lost contact with over the years, but every now and then there’s a harsh reminder when someone I thought was a “friend-friend” posts a status or picture and I wonder why I had to find out this wonderful news via a social network.
I love this post bc it is so true !! Facebook has become more convenient than a telephone or a visit now a days and you gotta love the people you are “friends” with who pretend they don’t see you at the mall lol ok so you can see my whole life story on the comp but can’t say hi !! Defriend !!!
Hi, I’m Stephanie from Trying To Be Super Mom. Found you through the Finding New Friends Weekend Blog Hop! This post really hit home for me, so many “friends” on my list are actually people I haven’t seen or spoken to in 15+ years. Good to know I’m not the only one. Stop by my blog and say “Hi!” While you’re there, I have two great giveaways you can enter too!
Stephanie
Trying To Be Super Mom
Blog: http://tobesuper.blogspot.com
Twitter: @trytobesuper
Facebook: http://bit.ly/xrVd36
Love your blog post. People come in and out of our lives all the time. My husband is in the Air Force and we move every two years so my FB friend list is a hodge-podge of people I used to know. But, mixed in are those friends, who at the time were the best of the best……and for some reason…..time, different phases of life, lacation…..we aren’t as close as we used to be. It makes me sad sometimes, but when I had those people in my life I needed them and they needed me. If I were pining away for our lost friendship I wouldn’t have time or energy to cultivate new friendships where am at now. And that’s okay. So, as an old good friend, I hope you went back and congratulated your friend on her new baby. We always post our best onto Facebook, but a message of “Hey I’m thinking of you” my be just what she needs.
So true Lynnie! Jenn this is a really great post. It is sad the way things work out sometimes. I’ve often felt the urge to
“defriend” people on facebook who I know might have friended me just to be nosy, or who I’ve had a friendship with years ago that has fallen by the wayside. Facebook has changed so many things about our social lives hasn’t it?
This is so true! I reduced the ‘friends’ I have on my facebook page. If I don’t communicate with you about major life events, then we aren’t that close in the first place!
Facebook is such a strange thing. It is natural to outgrow some relationships. We change or our friend changes and we are no longer compatible. Facebook kind of lets you hold onto the illusion of friendship. Such a strange phenomenon.
Growing apart is just a nature step in life it seems. I still regard old classmates as dear friends despite many years of separation and no contact other than the occasional status change on FB. I’m sure this friend of yours didn’t intend to cut you out of the picture and who knows maybe you both can bridge your friendship once more. Isn’t this the whole purpose of social networking? Maybe, it’s time to kick things off by sending her an email or give her a call asking her over for lunch or to go on a shopping date. It would be a great opportunity to rekindle things. Thanks for linking up to Wayback Wednesdays!
I’m glad this has happened to other people too. The story above describes more than one of my FB friends.. some of my best friends from college are now in the learning-about-major-life-events-through-the-newsfeed category. I hate it, but I’ve had to accept that fact that for whatever reason, we can never re-kindle that old friendship, even if we did have memories together that I count as some of my favorite. Isn’t it weird? I wonder if this is just a girl thing??
Pingback: Featured Newbie Blogger @workingmomof2 - Going Crazy!! Wanna Go??!! | Going Crazy!! Wanna Go??!!